Cheating Ourselves, Cheating Our Children

I can't seem to call myself a feminist without flinching. I am a woman, I do the best I can, I don't let my gender hold me back, and I frequently wonder if it is truly necessary to have an entire sub-culture dedicated to women being equal to their biological counterparts. It's interesting to me, if somewhat bizarre, that, in gaining control of our own destinies, we have also learned to disrespect our selves, our bodies, our needs the same ways we despised men doing so. In the attempt of raising ourselves up to the societal level of men, we also seemed to have lowered ourselves to a level we never would have considered before. We must remind the world that we can do everything they can do- and that seems to include self-afflictions such as promiscuity, demanding impossible standards in various areas of our lives, expecting less from those we pursue romantic relationships with, and accepting degrading roles under the guise of personal or sexual freedom. Why do we choose to trade our self-worth for the ability to break the glass ceiling? Why do we accept promiscuity as the norm? We can raise our daughters, telling them they can be anything they want to be- including the President of The United States. It's no longer a far-fetched ideal. We tell our daughters they can do anything, be anything- but we tell them this, and seem to forget to teach them the kinds of values they need to know to maintain their self-respect and equal status in a romantic relationship. There are advertisements everywhere defining rape and saying that everyone has the God-given right to say no, but we fail to tell our daughters that they are in charge of their own bodies, to remind them that these choices can not be taken back, that these options have permanent consequences, many of which go far past the physical sense of self. We don't teach them, nor talk to them about what is proper, what they should expect, what is acceptable from someone they date. We forget to tell them that being anything they want to be includes a virgin, a wife, a mother- and that they can have it in that order. When did we stop raising our sons to open doors and stop telling our daughters that it's okay to expect that? Why do we not tell our daughters that they can be on their school basketball team and still expect chivalrous gestures? When did we decide that career opportunities could only be gained by trading in our lady-like qualities? When did we decide that we weren't happy having it all, we had to give something up in order to truly be an equal?
Many of my male friends and co-workers have expressed a certain level of discomfort at the thought of holding doors open and paying for dates. I've heard it said more than once that they have been reprimanded by a woman for doing these things, these gentlemen were told to stop treating these women like they were incapable. This is simply beyond my comprehension. Was it really that long ago that the ideal boyfriend or husband held doors open every time and was gentleman enough to assume responsibility for the check when he had asked a woman to dinner? We have ousted men from what has traditionally been considered among the best of their qualities as a whole- and for what? Opening the door myself is no great feat, it does not give me any more pleasure, nor any sense of accomplishment, nor do I see why it should give anyone such a thrill. The simple gesture of holding the door open for another person, however, is an act of kindness, one which should benefit both parties. If a simple kindness afforded to another human being becomes such a point of obvious contention, what are we saying to the future generations about respect and kindess on a larger scale? If our daughters don't feel they have the right to the small gestures of caring and kindness, what are we to expect when it comes to more signifigant aspects of their relationships? If it is wrong for him to treat her more gently on a date than he would one of the guys going out drinking, what can we really expect these young adults to think is neccesary or appropriate when the relationship between the two extends into more intimate territory?